• WALKING DISASTER •
So it seems I've developed a new nickname. Well, of late, multiple. Usually it would be some unique twist on my last name or a joke about my first, but this time? This time it's 'The Walking Disaster'.
It seems that even everyone around me has started to realise that I really am a real life protagonist in a typical American teenage comedy. But what I might sit in my room and laugh at on Netflix is something I cringe about when I'm lucky enough to be the one who's being laughed at.
If you find yourself on the uncoordinated spectrum of life like myself, I feel you. #thestruggleisreal and all that, right? It was only a few weeks ago that I managed to spit popcorn at a certain someone and hadn't realised I'd done it, despite all my friends being in fits of laughter. The floor didn't even have the decency to swallow me up right there and then. Or the fact that I was avoiding someone the other day and to do so, I tried to casually duck and somehow ended up on the floor... So here's a little list of some of the things us clumsy and very disastrous people go through, just to give you 'together' people a glimpse of the daily struggles of those on the other side:
1. Walking is always an issue.
It's like you have two left feet or something.
2. You can't hold things
You take the meaning of 'butter fingers' to a whole new level.
3. Stairs are not your friend.
You can't walk up them and you can't walk down them. Even the escalators at the mall trip you up.
4. When you're trying to look cool and...
5. Opening a strongly sealed packet...
It doesn't matter whether it's sweets, mints or something that may be a little more embarrassing. You just can't open them without creating a small downpour.
Mascara wands? More like weapons...
7. It's all about the recovery, but even that fails.
8. Getting hyped over something can be potentially dangerous...
9. Spilling or dropping things constantly.
10. Hence why the 'five second rule' is something you live by...
11. Trying to make a dramatic exit annnnnd... you fail.
Subtly is not your speciality.
12. Walking in a straight line, on flat surfaces can even prove problematic.
13. Hence why most people think you're just always drunk.
14. Walking into inanimate objects:
...I swear that lampost wasn't there before...*looks around to check absolutely no one saw*
They did.
They saw.
15. The judgement of those lucky, coordinated human beings:
So take it from the legend that is JLaw; two-time faceplanted at the Oscars with many other embarrassments under her belt.
And in the wise words of Miss Zoey Deschanel:
Sazza magazza shamazza fazazza vagazzle
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